


gratitude's a strange thing...

by spocklee



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3848872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spocklee/pseuds/spocklee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little bits and pieces of these two weirdos in each other's lives</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi would rather not, and probably wouldn't have bothered, but Gai is clearly trying his best not to cry.

 

There was not a lot of people at the grave- the funeral service was short, brief formalities and awkward officials who didn't know what to do with a sad kid in spandex. Ebisu and Genma show up to pay their respects, to comfort Gai as best they can in an aloof, unsure way. They're not terrible people but they are still very much young boys who think of compassion the way that most people think of a dead animal. Hokage had stayed longer than the rest, and had put a wrinkling hand on Gai's shoulder with the sincerity that everyone else couldn't quite muster. He had left at sundown though, and Kakashi is the only one left behind. Gai is still crouched in front of the stone marker. Kakashi hates himself, for thinking of just ignoring him and going home, and then he hates himself anyway for walking up to him and sitting down. They both face the grave. Gai only turns his head to look at him briefly, and nods his head rapidly in greeting. He doesn't seem able to talk for once.

 

"Gai, you can cry if you want," he says it like an insult. Like Gai's too dumb to know he can cry about this kind of thing.

 

Shakes his head in the same whiplash motion.

 

"Your dad won't mind."

 

Immediately there's something wet against his shoulder- it's Gai's disgusting fountain of a face while he whines, muffled into his shirt, "I can't cry in front of him! I have to show him I'm strong!"

 

Kakashi lets Gai rub his snot and tears on his clothes and feels less annoyed than he'd thought he'd be. There's another feeling, unexpected, that causes him to wrap his arm around the other kid until the whimpering sounds stop. For a second he thinks Gai has fallen asleep on him in the middle of the graveyard, but there's a nuzzle against his shoulder and one last sniffle.

 

He understands why the adults don't know how to comfort Gai, even the ones who've had the same kind of loss. The Maitos are a joke, so the death of one is a bit of a morbid punchline. Now that weird kid is crying about his weird dad, and nobody knows how to deal with a heroic loss that isn't stoic or dignified. A freak sacrificed himself to save his kid's team. Carve another name on another stone under the word 'HERO' and change the subject. It's just another loss to get used to. Kakashi tightens his arm for a second.

 

"You can stay at my house tonight."

 

He insists Gai take a shower, and he lies on the floor and waits for him to finish up so he can take one too. He reads a little, but gets distracted by the crying noises from the bathroom. He feels strangely removed from it all- Gai has enough emotions for the both of them. Gai finally emerges in a cloud of steam and Kakashi pushes his slumped over body towards the bed, and tells him to go to sleep.

 

He showers in cold water for thirty seconds, brushes his teeth for another thirty seconds. He crawls into bed, and Gai looks drained but calm at least in the dark. It is the first time in years that someone else has been in the house. Kakashi is in some sort of auto-pilot- he realizes later that he's just doing everything that he wished someone had done for him. He pulls the blanket up and tucks it under Gai's chin. He wakes up for a second, eyes still half closed.

 

"Kakashi?"

 

"Hm?"

 

***

There's a festival tonight, and Kakashi's kettle is already heating up some water and his book is lying open on his bed. The window is open and he can hear vendors setting up, children running around playing games while they wait for the parade and fireworks that are still hours away. He's ready to lie down when there's a knock at the door. It could only be Gai. He opens the door.

 

"Rival! What are your festival plans?"

 

"I'm gonna stay in."

 

"What? What!"

 

Kakashi shrugs and leans against his doorframe. The gold sky behind Gai is already getting dark.

 

"You don't want to go enjoy the festival?"

 

"I'm not a big crowd person."

 

Gai's face turns serious, "Kakashi..."

 

And then immediately he's tearing up, looking dramatically into a non-existent distance, "My rival is shy! That's... so cute!"

 

Another shrug, "I'm just tired. And I have a good view from my window."

 

Gai is almost instantaneously in his bedroom, looking out his window, half his body leaning over the edge, "This is amazing! This view is amazing! Ah! I can see Tenten! TENTEN! HELLO! IT'S ME, YOUR TEACHER, GAI! UP HERE!"

 

Kakashi walks up and looks out the window with him in time to notice a deeply embarrassed Tenten in the street below. She makes eye contact with him and he winks, hoping to relieve her a little, to let her know he'll take care of Gai for the night. She squints a little and just looks more worried. She gives a terse nod before disappearing into a store and Gai stops waving, though he's still beaming.

 

"What a good generation of children. I was so glad when you finally got a few of your own!"

 

Kakashi leans his elbows on the windowsill, touching shoulders with Gai, "Yeah. One's a traitor who ran off on his own, one's got a demon inside him, one goes around punching everything, and Sai called me a douchebag the other day. They're really great. Having kids is wonderful. I don't regret a thing."

 

He's sarcastic and to his own disappointment, completely genuine. Gai's voice gets quiet and his beam slows down to a calm smile.

 

"Kurenai should be having her child soon. I brought her some curry and baby toys earlier and she could barely move around. Kiba and Shino were there, trying to clean things for her. Gentle Hinata was there too, putting little locks on the cabinets with Shikamaru."

 

There's a pause while Kakashi thinks for a second, "By toys, you mean-"

 

"Just the usual! Toddler sized ankle and wrist weights, leg warmers, a tortoise shell rattle. I thought she'd already have some, but apparently not."

 

"Not saving them for your own kids, eh?"

 

"Ah, I probably won't have any," a second passes that threatens to be uncomfortably dismal before Gai says in a much louder voice, "What about you! When will you put down those dirty books of yours and pick up a wholesome family life!"

 

"Didn't you hear me earlier? I already have four kids. You have three. We've been parents for years."

 

"Ah, I mean real-"

 

"Gai, we'd both die for those kids. That's real enough for me."

 

Another pause, less tense than before. The food stalls are finished setting up, and Gai's shoulder is warm against his own. Kakashi feels some of the peace that's been teasingly absent in the last months, the last years. He can feel Gai shift before he speaks.

 

"And a spouse?"

 

"Mm. Don't need one. I wouldn't be good at it."

 

"Well, maybe not a spouse, but you should find someone to take care of you! I get worried, thinking about you living all by yourself. Just someone to make sure you're alright."

 

"Isn't that what you're for?"

 

As soon as he says it, Gai removes himself from the window and starts walking towards the door, without a single moment of eye contact, "Ah! I guess you're right, Rival. I'll leave you alone now, enjoy your view-"

 

"You can stay if you want."

 

"I- I'll be right back!" The door closes.

 

Kakashi goes back to looking out the window. Something permanent in him thinks that of course Gai won't come back, that Gai would rather enjoy the festival with the village than with him in his lonely apartment. But Gai does come back, this time using the spare key Kakashi gave him years ago instead of knocking, and it looks like he's carrying food from every stall around. He sets it all down on the little wooden table in the kitchenette. He then picks up the table and carries it into the bedroom, setting it down next to the window. He does all this without turning on the lights, as he knows Kakashi's house well enough to navigate it in the dark.

 

They sit on the edge of his bed, eating and watching the people go by through the window. Kakashi sees Naruto and Sakura walking around. Naruto's clearly ecstatic to be spending time with her while Sakura seems to be unofficially checking in on patients as they pass by. Sai has a line of ink animals behind him, to the delight of the crowd of children following him. When Kakashi lowers his mask to eat, he makes sure to move his face away from the window. Gai loudly whispers a narration of the parade, and stands up and cheers over the entire crowd when he sees Lee leading a group of acrobats. Gai always find something interesting to turn away and look at when Kakashi lowers his mask.

 

During the fireworks show, Kakashi smiles and leans his head against Gai's shoulder. He tenses up like a rock under his cheek before draping a shaky arm around him.

 

They end up moving to lie on the bed, Kakashi in a strange daze of comfort while Gai still seems to be in some sort of shock. His head is on Gai's chest.

 

"Hey, are you okay? I can move if you want."

 

"No! No, of course not, Rival. I'm fine."

 

"Good," and Kakashi. He's not used to indulging in this kind of physicality, but tonight it feels like something he's allowed, like getting drunk but only once a year at a party. His face burns- he must be blushing furiously, but it's not bad.

 

He can tell Gai's hand is getting closer and closer to his head, and he sighs a little when it finally gets to his hair and starts combing through it. The sound makes Gai jump a little, but he doesn't stop. The sounds of the crowd outside get quieter and quieter.

 

"Gai?"

 

"Y-yes?"

 

***

  
Gai looks really cool when he fights, and Kakashi keeps meaning to bring it up. He doesn't know how. It's the way he gets serious, how it becomes suddenly apparent that Gai really is good at what he does.

 

One day, Gai claps him on the back and tells him what a fine job he did in the last battle, and Kakashi's eye crinkles.

 

"You too. My rival's a pretty cool fighter."

 

Gai turns bright red, yells something about Kakashi being too hip, and runs off, shouting something else-

 

***

  
"You looked really cool out there."

 

Gai's lying on the ground. He's barely human anymore. He shouldn't even be alive right now. The pain should have killed him, his body burned completely. Kakashi shouldn't even be able to touch him, but Gai said it was alright. Kakashi doesn't. He just kneels next to him. He's strangely removed from everything happening, like he was when they were kids. If he wanted to, he could probably sweep up what's left of Gai with a dust pan. Lee said something about him not dying, but Kakashi can't bring himself to believe those kinds of promises anymore. Gai's voice is a croak.

 

"I did? I'm glad."

 

There's a pause and Kakashi winces at it, that he'd let it happen in their last bit of time together.

 

"I'm glad too," he clearly isn't.

 

"I'm sorry. I know you've already lost so many. But the children, they're strong. We raised them well. Please watch after Lee and Tenten for me."

 

"Okay."

 

"I love you."

 

Kakashi should be surprised, but that's distant too and there's no time for it, "I love you too. Why didn't we ever get married? Why didn't you just ask me out?" They're natural things to ask, and it's natural to find a way to blame Gai even now.

 

A shaky exhale that's probably a laugh, "I didn't want to ruin our rivalry."

 

"You liar. You were scared."

 

Gai's face contorts, "Fine! Go out with me, Kakashi!"

 

"Okay. Gai?"

 

"Yes, Dear?"

 

He smiles weakly at the new pet name, "Why me?"

 

Another pause that burns up their time together, and then Gai says, "I figured if I could beat the White Fang's son, people couldn't judge me or my family anymore. And then we became friends, and then when he died, and you-"

 

"Gai-"

 

"I'm so glad I met you, and that we could grow up together," his voice is significantly weaker. "We'll meet again soon. Not too soon, of course. Not for awhile..."

 

He loses consciousness seconds before Sakura arrives, along with the rest of their kids. Kakashi explains to her what's wrong, not everything, but just with Gai's body. He watches her begin working, face compassionate but set and not a single tremor in her body, and feels pride mix in with everything else- but he knows the pride belongs to Tsunade. He looks down at the body again.

 

"Gai..."

 

He doesn't say anything back.

 

***

 

Months later, in the hospital that isn't as crowded as it was at the very end of the war, the nurse tells him he can touch Gai without hurting him anymore. Gai had said he could have done that weeks ago, but Kakashi had told him he was not a doctor and he could wait. The nurse leaves them alone and closes the door gently.

 

The window lets in a lot of sunlight, and there's a vase of yellow flowers on the bedside table. Kakashi sits in the plastic chair by the bed and leans forward with his elbows on his knees. Gai sits up straight against the headboard, looking expectant. His good foot wiggles underneath the blanket.

 

Kakashi leans forward and kisses him, pulling his mask down at the last second. It's a bit awkward, trying to lean over the cot at that angle. Gai's warm. Not burning-up-from-the-inside-warm, just alive-warm. He pulls away and brings the mask up, and Gai is glowing and making a happy humming noise like he's an air conditioner in the summer. Everything finally feels definitely and unshakably safe.

 

Kakashi lowers his head onto the blanket drawn over Gai's stomach, and lets his breathing raise his own head up, lower it, raise it. A hand starts stroking his hair. When Gai begins talking in his loud voice, he feels it hum right into this head.

 

"Dearest Rival! I wanted to say more to you at our moment on the battlefield of True Love... but I ran out of breath. Shameful. But-" and his voice quiets a little, probably realizing there are voices for declarations and voices for confessions, "I want you to know that you are funny, and kind, and brave and Good."

 

"Thanks. Why would you want to tell me that though?"

 

He feels Gai startle in surprise a little, "Because I would hate to leave this world without making sure I've told you these things! If I had more time, I would have bought you flowers, or dirty books, or a sweater, but I was unable to leave the battlefield at the time, and I left my wallet at home anyways. You have lost so much already but- I would want you to remember that there is always enough good still in this world."

 

Kakashi kind of feels like he should tell Gai he doesn't need to buy him anything, he just needs to never set himself on fire like that again, that just being with Gai makes him happy, that if he's the reason Gai's an elite ninja then Gai is the reason he's an adult with a family again somehow- but he feels like they might already be laying it on a little thick. Another time, he'll tell Gai everything. For now he just nuzzles his head against his stomach.

 

"Gai?"

 

"Yes, Dear?"

 

***

 

"Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can be read as separate or part of the first chapter... i just wanted to write about when they were younger, like 19 or 20 or something.

Gai's gotten older. Kakashi is not sure when it happened, probably around the same time what's left of their generation grew up. There was some specific shift he hadn't noticed. Now Gai rarely leapt out of bushes challenging him to fight by attacking him. Kakashi was more likely to hear a warning 'Yo!' before turning his head and seeing Gai running towards him, waving. Sometimes he'd be posing on top of a roof, the sun angled deliberately, before leaping down. The strangest thing was that sometimes now they could just walk together and talk, like normal people.

 

"Yo!"

 

It's the afternoon. Kakashi is on his way to find something for dinner. He's leaving on an ANBU mission the next morning for who knows how long, and it would be nice to go home with some take-out and pretend it's like any other night. He turns his head. Gai is running towards him, not even slowing down as he approaches. Passerby barely stare anymore; Gai has been a spectacle for so long that it's lost its novelty. Kakashi's eyebrows raise regardless as Gai blows past him, yelling:

 

"RACE YOU TO THE HILLTOP, KAKASHI!"

 

He would sigh and shake his head and keep walking to the convenience store if he had a moment to stop and think, but Gai already had a headstart. Kakashi had no choice but to start running immediately, getting closer to the sound of Gai's laughter as they dodge people enjoying the summer weather cooling down as the sun finishes setting. By the time they make it to the hill, Kakashi is only a step behind. He hopes the half-second narrowing of his eyes goes unnoticed; his expression returns to unbothered almost immediately. Gai is already posing in victory, facing the houses below.

 

Kakashi stands behind him with his hands in his pockets. It's dark out, and the lights beginning to turn on in the village below outline the edges of Gai's silhouette with a gold glow. He's not the same pest of a child who used to harass him daily; his shoulders are wide, and his back has filled out with muscle. He's tall. His old scarf, still washed by hand and periodically re-dyed so the bright red is only barely faded, now hangs around his waist in place of the standard headband. His hands are big, and without touching his palms, Kakashi knows that they are calloused and firm. Gai's a man now, for all his talk of youth. He poses, completely innocent to it, to his charm and the charm of not knowing it despite all his bravado, and Kakashi tells himself the warmth he feels in his stomach is just amusement at how someone can be so oblivious.

 

"You cheated, you know."

 

Gai turns his head back to look at him, mid-pose, "What?"

 

"You cheated. We didn't start running at the same time," Kakashi can't lie to himself about this; he wouldn't bring up the cheating if he didn't actually care about losing. The act is so thin that he has to fight the urge to laugh at himself. Gai is too preoccupied to notice now.

 

"That's-! ... True..." he stares grimly at Kakashi before bowing, "Please. Accept this as your win. It was wrong for me to take advantage of your surprise."

 

The smile falls off Kakashi's face. That's the problem with making fun of Gai. When they were kids, he would burst into tears or fly into a mock rage or make excuses, but now he's more likely to turn somber and grave. If Kakashi didn't do something quick, Gai would probably insist on running five hundred laps around the village backwards as punishment for cheating.

 

"Let's count it as a stalemate."

 

Gai unfolds from the bow and his eyebrows are angled dangerously downwards, and he growls a bit, "Kakashi..."

 

"Besides," Kakashi pretends to pick at his fingernail, "I don't need you to give me a win. I'm still in the lead."

 

It provokes, as it's meant to, and Gai shouts his name furiously, "Kakashi!"

 

"Relax. Let's get something to eat."

 

-

 

They sit at the bar. Kakashi gives the server a dryly miserable look as Gai dives into his food with a series of horrible noises and mess. Kakashi distracts himself with his usual game of using jutsu or diversion to eat without anyone noticing. Sometimes he just eats so fast that it's impossible to see the moment where his mask is down, sometimes he uses a shadow clone to sit at the table while he goes outside to eat crouched alone in the alley in peace. People usually don't notice that they don't notice. Rarely is anyone around him long enough to realize they never see him eating.

 

Gai's bowl is empty and he's squinting at Kakashi, leaning against the counter with jocular distrust. Kakashi sets down his food.

 

"Is something wrong?"

 

"Don't you ever get tired of eating like that?"

 

Kakashi plays sweetly obtuse, "Eating like what?"

 

Gai just rolls his eyes, as if he's the patient one, "It's not efficient, using chakra just to eat in public. Here, wait-" he leans over the counter, his feet perched on the bottom bar of his stool as he waves to the bartender, "Hey! Hey, is it okay if we get this food to go? With another order too-"

 

Kakashi is a little embarrassed at the attention they're drawing, something that only happens with Gai, "It's fine-"

 

"No, you're so ridiculous sometimes, Rival! We'll go somewhere quiet where you can eat in peace."

 

Kakashi watches the waiter put three boxes crammed with food into a plastic bag. He knows that Gai doesn't plan on letting him eat in peace alone.

 

-

 

They end up back on the hilltop. Kakashi takes off for it before Gai can make it a race, though they both reach it at the same time, and Kakashi pushes away the curious idea that Gai may actually be getting faster than him. There is something about the thought that aches, more than any competitive soreness could.

 

They sit back to back, so that Kakashi can eat with his mask down and Gai can 'keep a lookout for any peeping Toms!' Gai's back is a bumpy pressure against his own. He eats quietly before realizing that he's gone through two boxes.

 

"Gai?"

 

"Hm? Yes?"

 

"Aren't you going to eat some of this?"

 

"What? No. It's yours. You need the energy!"

 

Kakashi almost turns around before remembering his mask is off. He stares down resolutely at the styrofoam tray in his lap. He knows that Gai goes to sleep much earlier than this on most days so he can wake up obscenely early to train.

 

"You don't have to be here while I eat you know. I can be my own lookout."

 

The back shifts against him, and he freezes in a feeling close to fear at the thought that Gai might be turning around to see him without his mask on. It's irrational, both to freeze instead of just pulling the mask up instantaneously, and to expect Gai would ever betray him like that. He never has. He never pulled at it or tried to sneak a look, even when they were children, even when he's being obnoxious on purpose. Even so, he relaxes when he's sure that Gai is just fidgeting but still staring straight ahead.

 

"I wanted to spend tonight with you! Tomorrow you're leaving and... You're usually gone for long periods of time. I don't how long I'll have to wait before we can spend another youthful late night together!"

 

Kakashi swallows. He can hear the shy undercurrent in Gai's voice. In ANBU you're supposed to be absent, impossible to miss because as soon as you put on the mask, you don't exist. You leave behind nothing to miss. But Gai notices when he's gone. Of course he does. Another thought occurs to him, and he sighs because it's a little exasperating.

 

"Gai... how do you know I'm leaving tomorrow?"

 

There's an ashamed and vague grumbling noise behind him.

 

"Have you been finding out my mission schedules? Gai, you know that's illegal right? You could get in real trouble for sneaking around and-"

 

"Well you never tell me!"

 

"Because it's confidential!"

 

"You need to tell _someone!_ "

 

Kakashi set the tray to the side and let the annoyance in his voice show, "Do you not understand what ANBU _is?"_

Gai is silent at that, and Kakashi turns his head just slightly. Gai is still facing directly ahead, but his fists are shaking against the ground. Kakashi wonders if he's crying, when he finally talks, angry and disturbingly quiet.

 

"I know. I'm not an idiot. I just don't think it's right."

 

Kakashi turns back to his own lap and blinks boredly at the dirt, "In that case just talk to the Hokage and have him disband the whole unit, I'm sure he'll love the input-"

 

He's interrupted by the loss of pressure at his back, and his eyes widen as he realizes it's because Gai has stood up. He whips his head completely around, but Gai is still looking dead ahead. Gai still can't see him.

 

"I'm not talking about ANBU. I'm saying it's not right that you have to pretend that nobody cares about you. That you're... you're not part of this village. That you can't tell someone when you'll be gone and when you'll be back."

 

There's definitely a thickness to Gai's voice that means he's crying now if he wasn't before, and Kakashi tries to imagine the first time that he left on a mission without telling anyone. He had been gone for a month; he stares at Gai's back and imagines him running through the streets looking for him, for days, for a week, asking people if they know where he's gone. He probably really did ask the Hokage. And then once he realized Kakashi was gone, what was it like to wonder when he was supposed to come back? He remembered when he returned from that mission, collapsing in exhaustion at the hospital, he had woken up to Gai at his bedside. But for the next week, Gai had avoided him.

 

He knows Gai's schedule, but never mentions it. He keeps track of the day that Gai is supposed to come back from a mission, and the days after where it's more realistic for him to come home. He'll make bets with himself if Gai is late; _if it rains tomorrow, it's reasonable to wait three more days without worrying. If I get three pieces of meat in my soup, Gai is fine. If it takes me five steps to reach the door-_

Once, Gai hadn't come back for a month after his estimated return day, and Kakashi had waited for a recovery mission to be ordered. He had gone by every day to the office, to check for it and to sign up, but it was never posted. He had felt a kind of sick anger weighed down by practiced apathy; an internal voice that sounded like himself as a child saying 'It's because they don't care about him. It's because they didn't appreciate him. They used him.' He had avoided everyone. He was afraid he would snap and start talking about his father, about Obito, about Rin, about Gai. He spent a whole day inside with the blinds closed, lying in bed, when a knock at the window kept him from drifting in between sleep and consciousness. Gai had been there, at his windowsill, freshly bandaged up and asking if he wanted to spar. Kakashi had told him no and slammed the window shut, and then sat on the floor against the wall and sobbed big dry breaths. Relief was unfamiliar.

 

His chest heaved just at the memory, "I'm sorry, Gai."

 

He watches Gai lift an arm to his face, to rub his eyes, though his voice already sounds lighter, "Well you should be! Making me worry like that all the time."

 

"You have to stop going through ANBU records though," part of Kakashi is impressed that Gai hasn't been caught already, "If they find out, they won't let you be a ninja anymore. They might even try you for treason if they think you're a spy."

 

"Now you're the one worrying too much! I won't get caught, Rival."

 

Kakashi looks back to his feet for a moment before calmly standing up, mask still down, "What if I just told you myself?"

 

He says it lightly, but Gai isn't an idiot, and finally turns around and almost gives Kakashi a heart attack before he realizes that Gai's eyes are firmly shut, "You can't do that! They could execute you for sharing secrets-"

 

Kakashi shrugs, despite knowing Gai can't see it, "Better than you getting caught sneaking around and embarrassing me."

 

Gai tackles him, and Kakashi's back hits the dirt. He's pinning him down, his expression furious but eyes still politely closed. Kakashi blinks up at him. There's a shadow on each side of Gai's face, where a cheekbone is becoming visible. His chest is full against the fabric of his suit; puberty filled Gai out differently than it filled Kakashi, whose chest grew heavy and tight under a binder. The annoying child who didn't know how to do anything but taijustu is so close to becoming an adult, if he doesn't get himself killed first.

 

"Take it back!"

 

"I'll print out a whole schedule for you, maybe get you a custom calendar-"

 

"Stop!"

 

Gai's lip is trembling. He's so serious. Kakashi wishes he would just open his eyes. That's what scares him; that he _wants_ Gai to see him without his mask. He wants to tell Gai everything, he wants to invite him home so they can pretend they don't both live alone for a night, he wants to crawl all over him like he's one of the girls in the perverted magazines all the other 20-something boys around them read and snicker over. He wants to do clumsy things with him alone in the dark, the way Asuma and Kurenai do as if nobody already knows they love each other. He doesn't want to be missed, he wants to be touched. He doesn't want to come home after months and find that Gai has grown up without him anymore.

"Sorry, Gai. But stop, okay? Seriously. I don't want to come home from a mission and find out you've been exiled or something."

 

Gai sniffs loudly, and Kakashi grimaces when something wet lands on his face; thankfully Gai is just crying again.

 

"Okay."

 

"Also, get off me."

 

Gai sits up, still straddling Kakashi's legs and wiping his eyes. Kakashi sits up and grabs his wrists and tells himself it's because he can't bear to see someone wipe their eyes with dirty hands.

 

"Stop. Wait."

 

He grabs a napkin from the bag, and smudges at Gai's face. He does it clinically. He keeps one hand under Gai's chin, to hold his face steady, and Gai lets him. Gai's still sniffing thickly.

 

"Is your mask still off?"

 

The napkin in Kakashi's hand hovers over Gai's face, frozen, before he throws it back in the bag and pulls the mask up. He takes his other hand off Gai's chin and pulls his legs out from under Gai. He crouches, leaning forward on his toes.

 

"No. You can open your eyes now."

 

Gai does. His eyes are brilliantly black and his eyelashes are stuck together from crying. He avoids looking at Kakashi.

 

"Does it really bother you that much when I tease you?"

 

Gai shakes his head, "No, it's just... I don't like it when you don't see me as your equal... Or when you joke about your own life."

 

"I respect you a lot, Gai. I really do," he means it.

 

"And?"

 

"And we both need to get some sleep. Let me walk you home."

 

-

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay... i really wanted to write about kakashi meeting gai's kids. i haven't been keeping up with the anime so i'm sorry if this is something already covered.

He's bored.

 

Gai should be in town, somewhere. If Kakashi wanders around long enough with no apparent purpose, he's sure to run into him. The only problem is that-

 

"Rival!"

 

Kakashi pauses in his casual stroll down the street; he turns around to see Gai, and as he feared, Gai's students. The man looks concerned as he jogs up to Kakashi, as do the three who hang back behind him like children behind their mother's apron.

 

"Thank goodness I found you! I suddenly have to meet the hokage right now, and I need someone to train my students for the day while I'm busy."

 

"Gai-" Before Kakashi can say to find someone else, Gai is already vigorously shaking his hand.

 

"Wonderful! They're perfect students, you'll have no trouble," he turns to the three of them, still holding Kakashi's hand in a death vice as if to keep him in place, and winks, "You hear that! Be on your best behavior, after I've talked you up like that!"

 

The one that looks eerily like Gai straightens up, one nods despite looking awkward, and the last just sulks. Kakashi feels the grip on his hand loosen, and catches a glimpse of Gai bolting past him before he's already too far to yell at. He turns back to the kids, who are staring at him. Waiting.

 

"Uh. How would you three feel about getting the day off and not telling Gai I let you go home?"

 

The mini-Gai deflates, the awkward one puts her hands on her hips, and the third just sneers. He can already tell that at least one of them will snitch if he bails. He rubs his hands together and sighs.

 

"Just kidding. My name's Kakashi-"

 

The second one interrupts easily, unease already replaced by an air of unimpressed-teenage-girl confidence, "Oh, we know who you are."

 

Mini-Gai perks up, "You're Kakashi Hatake, Gai-sensei's Rival!"

 

Kakashi freezes. What has Gai told these kids? He feels a cold dread at knowing that Gai has told him their names a million times and he still can't remember. He'll have to ask.

 

"For the sake of formality, let's do introductions. You already know me, so you guys go ahead."

 

The boy with huge eyebrows steps forward and salutes, and Kakashi notes a subtle difference between him and Gai at that age; where Gai developed an edge of cheerful melodrama, there is something more serious about the kid, who says in a polite shout, "Rock Lee!"

 

Kakashi waits to see if he'll say anything else, but when the silence stretches, he nods, "Thank you, Lee. Next?"

 

The girl steps forward, and while she doesn't salute, there's a puff in her chest that tells Kakashi she's not interested in slacking off. He vaguely recalls Gai praising one of his team for their ferocity. There's something about the way that she meets his eyes that tells Kakashi it must be her.

 

"I'm Tenten!"

 

Another nod, "Thank you, Tenten."

 

He looks to the last student as Tenten steps back. The boy has blank eyes; a Hyuga. He neither steps forward or stops looking angry. From personal experience, Kakashi would have to guess that natural talent makes up for the boy's sullenness.

 

"Neji."

 

"Thanks, Neji. Now, how about-"

 

Tenten interrupts him again, "Kakashi-sensei? Why did Gai-sensei have to leave so suddenly?"

 

"He's... probably being assigned an important mission."

 

Lee's eyes light up, and suddenly he's only a foot away from Kakashi's face, "What kind of mission?"

 

"Whoa whoa, I can't just tell you that. He'll tell you about it himself. Right now I guess I'm supposed to be training you three," Kakashi waves for them to follow him, and tries not to think about how for once he really doesn't know what Gai could be doing.

 

-

 

He takes them to the ramen place. It's a strategy stolen from that young teacher Iruka, who brings the kid there all the time. Kakashi hopes they don't see either of them; he sends anonymous payments for Naruto's rent and bills, leaves money for food, but can't bring himself to actually see him. He looks exactly like Minato; from what he's heard, he acts exactly like Kushina.

 

The bell above the door rings when they open it, and the place thankfully isn't crowded. Lee bolts up to the bar and Tenten and Neji move around Kakashi to follow him. He takes a deep breath while they aren't looking, and lifts a hand in greeting when he makes eye contact with the owner behind the counter. He walks up and sits down next to Lee.

 

They order. He makes a note to tell Gai that they all shamelessly tried to bankrupt him; there's so much food brought out that a few plates almost slip off the counter. Lee is up in an instant, standing on the bottom bar of his stool as he reaches out with blunt grace to catch a bowl about to fall, and Kakashi feels a deep pang of nostalgia and fondness. He wishes Gai was here. He eats his meal in silence as the kids argue and steal food from each other.

 

He keeps his eyes on his plate as he focuses on eating without revealing his face; today it's just some low-level genjutsu that Kurenai had showed him for convenience. When he only hears Tenten and Neji's voices for a minute, curiosity gets the best of him. He turns to see Lee glaring silently up at him, with big baleful eyes. They're the one thing that doesn't remind him of Gai in the slightest.

 

"Lee?"

 

The boy doesn't flinch, "You're not going to hurt Gai-sensei are you?"

 

Kakashi doesn't know where to begin with that. Physically he and Gai hurt each other all the time in sparring, and he knows that while he's grown out of insulting Gai point-blank, he still can't help teasing him in order to rile him up. There's the little voice that reminds him of course there's another potential way to hurt Gai, by asking him to be his and then leaving like everyone seems to in this village, but Lee is twelve years old at most. He should take it easy on the morbid answers.

 

"Of course not."

 

Lee continues looking doubtful. Kakashi guesses that Gai has told him stories about their fierce rivalry, with the side-effect being Lee logically assuming Kakashi must be some sort of lifelong enemy. It's a shame. Knowing Gai, Lee is the kid that Kakashi will see around the most.

 

"I'm serious, Lee. Don't worry," he tries not to laugh as the kid's lip curls into a sneer and his eyes narrow, "Gai and I are rivals, but we're not on bad terms."

 

"You swear?"

 

Kakashi's eye widens at the question; it's both childish and deathly serious, and he makes sure his voice doesn't sound sarcastic as he raises a hand to his heart, "I swear."

 

Lee appraises him. Then his face breaks into a bright smile. Kakashi is bewildered by it. He can't remember the last time a child beamed at him, and it's a little sickeningly cliche how much it warms his heart.

 

"Okay. I believe you, Kakashi-sensei," he winks amiably, something no doubt he has already picked up from Gai, "For now, that is."

 

He looks back to his food and lets out a loud yell when he realizes Tenten has stolen a whole plate from him and is sharing it with Neji. Kakashi goes back to eating in silence.

 

-

 

After Kakashi pays a stunning bill, he tells them they're going to the creek to practice fighting in nature rather than on a training yard. It sounds good, when he says it out loud like that, as if he doesn't just want to relax on a rock with his feet in the water while the kids swim.

 

They walk in a line down the street toward the town gates, with Kakashi at the back. Neji hunches over as he walks, barely acknowledging Lee's chatter as he walks on his hands. He sways and stumbles a little, and falls twice, but he gets back up each time. Kakashi watches and realizes he doesn't see Tenten; he turns his head and looks down to see her walking at his side with her hands held behind her back.

 

"So what are your intentions with Gai-sensei?"

 

They're certainly a protective group. Kakashi doesn't say anything immediately, but she continues walking by him patiently. Neji and Lee are out of earshot.

 

"I assure you that they're completely pure, Tenten," he tries to sound joking, and it's only half a life. She continues staring at him evenly before looking away with her nose in the air.

 

"Gai-sensei likes you a lot you know."

 

Kakashi stops himself from blurting out _How do you know, did he say something?_ like a complete teenager. A child seeing through his act within hours of meeting him is just something he'll have to stress about later. He doesn't reply, and she seems unbothered.

 

"My teacher is... strange. But I'm starting to think most ninjas are," they watch Lee poke Neji in the ear with his foot, which causes Neji to push him over, "But he's _my_ teacher now. So I don't care if you're a legend."

 

Kakashi is impressed, even if she isn't. He stops when she does, and raises his eyebrows when she puts her hands on her hips.

 

"If you mess around with him and he gets hurt, like if you use him and throw him away, or let him down because you're too cool or something... you're nothing."

 

Kakashi wonders how many times today he'll have to promise he's not interested in hurting Gai, "I'm not planning on doing any of that. And I'm sure Gai would be touched that you care about him so much, but he can take care of himself."

 

She relaxes with a sigh, "Yeah. I guess. But sometimes adults are still so clueless, you know?"

 

He tilts his head innocently, "What do you mean, Tenten?"

 

She furrows her eyebrows at him, and then crosses her arms, "You're strange too, aren't you?"

 

He smiles, and shrugs. She smiles grudgingly and rolls her eyes before running to catch up with the other two.

 

-

 

The creek is peaceful. Tenten and Lee run off immediately to play in the shallow pool down the incline, but Neji stays behind. He curls up his knees against his chin. Kakashi looks around as if to assess the spot, as if it's by incident that he sits on the same flat boulder as Neji beside the river. Neji spares him a glance before looking away again.

 

"You clearly don't want to be here."

 

Kakashi just dips his foot into the creek and swirls it around in the ice cold water, melted snowfall from the mountains, "It's not how I meant to spend my day, but it's alright. Nothing bad about this. What about you?"

 

He can feel Neji glare at him for a second longer before turning away with an angry huff, "I just don't get why you're here at all."

 

"I did try to give us all a holiday, but if any of you told Gai I'd never hear the end of it."

 

He watches Neji's foot touch the surface of the water and ripple it before flinching back from the cold, "So? What do you care what he thinks?"

 

A comically self-sabotaging part of Kakashi wants to say _You'll understand one day when you love someone,_ but instead he says, "What exactly do you think my relationship with Gai is?"

 

"I think he brags about being your rival to make himself sound cooler. I doubt you guys are even friends."

 

Kakashi is caught off guard by that, and a little offended on Gai's part. He supposes it makes sense that to someone who doesn't know them well, Gai would seem like an exaggerating liar and Kakashi a stuck-up legend. It's so far from the truth though that he has to sit still and think before he replies.

 

"Neji... I know Gai is a little eccentric, but I promise he's the most reliable person I've ever met. We've been rivals since we were kids," he fondly remembers Gai as a child, short and livid, demanding they fight over and over again.

 

"And friends?"

 

"Hm?"

 

Neji is looking at him again, glare intact but the question softer than before, "How long have you been friends?"

 

Kakashi actually smiles widely at that, knowing it's visible by the way his eye crinkles, "Oh, that took a little longer. Gai was very annoying as a child and I was very pretentious. Eventually we both toned down enough to be able to stand being around each other."

 

They sit and listen to the sounds of Lee and Tenten splashing and fighting amiably downstream, and Neji finally lets his feet break the water's surface. As much as he wants to defend Gai, Kakashi sympathizes. When he was Neji's age, the only person he respected was the actual hokage, and even then it bordered on petulant. He suddenly remembers something specific, that he had blocked out; Gai and him sitting on his bedroom floor, catching up on their weeks, and Gai telling him about one of his students. Neji. His father had died for the sake of the Hyuga Clan. Gai had told Kakashi the story, and then they had both sat on the carpet cross-legged and quiet as they thought about all the sacrificed fathers buried in the village graveyard.

 

In the present, at the creek with Neji in person next to him, Kakashi struggles to find something wise to say, "Gai is an honest person. You're really lucky to have him as a teacher. You may not think that now, but someday... you'll really appreciate him being there for you," Kakashi leans down to scratch his bared ankle and idly pick up a leaf floating past, "You'll appreciate a lot of people once you get older."

 

"You don't know anything about me."

 

Kakashi taps his own chin with a thoughtful finger, "Ah, that's true. I guess I'm just rambling about myself at this point. I remember thinking my team was such a pain in the ass," he leans back and feels the rock under him brush rough but steady against his fingers, as he looks up at the light leaking through the canopy, and thinks about Gai's hands wrapped in bandages, "But I cared about them. And when they were gone... the funny thing about life is that no matter how much you lose, you still find yourself able to care about people. About someone."

 

There's a cicada buzzing somewhere, and Lee and Tenten's shouts have tempered down to loud bickering. He doesn't know if he means what he says as a comfort or a warning. He senses Neji stand up, and looks to him. The kid has his hands as fists at his sides, and he's looking at the creek.

 

"You okay?"

 

"I'm gonna go play- train with Lee and Tenten! I don't need to listen to some old man preach at me just because he knows my teacher."

 

Kakashi considers pointing out that he's not even 25, but lets it go, "You're right. You should be around your peers."

 

Neji is already ignoring him and jumping over rocks towards the other two. Kakashi feels like he did something right, but it's a cautious optimism. As always.

 

-

 

Kakashi unlocks his front door, and pauses with the key half-turned. He turns and looks out over the balcony of the apartment catwalk, noticing two legs hanging over the overhang of the roof and swinging.

 

"Gai?"

 

There's a deep laugh and then Gai swings down from the roof in a fluid motion, beaming. Kakashi just turns back around and twists the key completely, pushing open the door and leaving it open for Gai to follow him.

 

"So how did it go? Did they behave?"

 

"Why ask? It looks like you've been following me all day," Kakashi lets himself sound peeved, even as he turns on the water heater for tea. Gai sounds affronted.

 

"What! I'd never! I only came back from my meeting with the hokage recently. If I'd had enough time, I would have joined all of you. But by the time I returned, you had already made sure they'd gotten home. So I came here to wait for you."

 

Kakashi leans on the counter of the kitchenette, "In that case, they were fine."

 

"So? What kind of training exercises did you give them?"

 

He changes the subject, "Did you know that Tenten thinks I'm trying to corrupt you? What are you telling her about me?"

 

Gai walks into the kitchen and tries to be intimidating, which mostly consists of him matronly putting his hands on his hips and bumping his elbow against Kakashi's as he tries to make stern eye contact, "Rival..."

 

"I took them to lunch, and then we went to the creek. They sparred a little. Neji called me an old man. He knows you and I are the same age, right?"

 

Gai doesn't move out of his space, but he smiles, "That's wonderful! I knew you'd do well."

 

Kakashi looks at him from the side of his eyes, "This wasn't a test now, was it, Gai?"

 

"Of course not! I really did have a meeting with the hokage. And I knew I could count on you to watch my students," Gai opens the cupboard where Kakashi keeps his mugs and pulls out two, blocking his expression, "and that my students would tell me if you tried to avoid responsibility."

 

Kakashi just hums to avoid confirming or denying. He lets Gai pull out the tea bags, and smiles unnoticeably at the face Gai makes; he's always insisting to Kakashi that tea is better with leaves and a strainer. He pours the hot water regardless, and sings something quiet under his breath as he looks for the honey. He spoons a bit into one of the cups and stirs it quickly. The spoon clinks rhythmically against the edges. He puts the bags in the mugs, and pushes the cup with honey towards Kakashi. Kakashi presses a finger against the side of the mug, covered in cartoon dogs; it's too hot to hold but fine to touch. Gai's has a sunset on it; it's the one he usually picks.

 

"How often do you talk to your students about me?"

 

"Every once and awhile. Our history as hot-blooded rivals is a perfect way to inspire the youth!"

 

"Well, make sure to tell my part better. I want your kids to like me."

 

Gai smiles slyly at that, "Oh?"

 

Kakashi rolls his eyes and lifts the cup to his face, even though it's still too hot to drink through the fabric of his mask, "You know what I mean. If they're gonna be around all the time then I don't want to deal with them giving me the evil eye."

 

Gai just bellows a laugh, "Did Tenten really say you're corrupting me? It's not surprising, when you walk around reading those dirty books of yours."

 

"Yes, I'm sure you didn't have anything to do with it- Tell her I'm practically a monk," he bumps his shoulder with his own, "Lee was ready to fight me, but I think we're good now. He still has an eye on me. I think he expects me to tragically betray you."

 

"All the better that you met them today! Now they know you beyond my exciting stories of our battles and challenges. They'll warm up once they get to know you."

 

"Hm. I'm not good with kids, you know that."

 

Gai brings a hand to his chin and closes his eyes sagely, "You'll get better at it with time."

 

Something about his tone is too coy. Kakashi pauses, and sets his mug down. He sticks his face close to Gai's. Gai backs away immediately.

 

"There's something you're not telling me. What were you meeting with the hokage about anyways?"

 

Gai waves his hands in front of him, "Nothing important! Just some pleasant catching up-"

 

Kakashi keeps stepping forward, and enjoys the way Gai guiltily backs out of the kitchen into the living room, "Gai..."

 

"Tell me more about Neji calling you old-"

 

Kakashi lunges and manages to topple Gai onto the couch, pinning one arm against the back of it and the other against the adjacent coffee table. Gai still won't meet his eye, but more than anything Kakashi thinks it's funny. There's no malice in the pressure he uses to keep Gai in place, and in one of their real fights he'd already be thrown off easily.

 

"C'mon, Gai, and after I told the students how honest you are-"

 

"It's a surprise! You'll find out."

 

Kakashi draws his face away; he's not sure what he expected, "Hm... It's not a party is it?"

 

"No! Of course not. Please," Gai's eyebrows set heavy and sincere over his eyes, "Trust me. I would tell you if it was something bad."

 

Kakashi sits up and slips from Gai's stomach to his thighs as the latter moves up to rest his elbows on the couch's armrest, "So nothing bad... Hm. Alright. Is it why you've been in such a good mood tonight?"

 

Gai grins, "Maybe."

 

Kakashi just sighs, exasperated, then wordlessly rearranges himself to lie down across Gai, his head on his chest. He looks at the ceiling and pretends his heart isn't beating sick in his lungs.

 

"Rival?"

 

"Yeah?" His voice is perfectly even.

 

"Your hair is getting in my mouth."

 

Kakashi lifts a hand back to comb his hair back, brushing Gai's chin in the attempt. He returns his hand over his chest. He feels like he's gonna sink through the floor or float up out of his own body. Gai seems perfectly still under him.

 

"Neji reminds me of you."

 

"Yeah. Me too. The whole angry brat thing."

 

"And like you, I'm sure he is a good and gentle at heart!"

 

Kakashi smiles at the compliment, "And of course, Lee..."

 

There's a rumbling under him; Gai's holding in proud laughter, "Ah, yes... Who does he remind you of?"

 

"Ebisu."

 

"Kakashi!"

 

"I'm kidding. He's got your whole earnest punching and kicking thing going on."

 

"Yes. And Tenten-"

 

"She's too level-headed to be you and too well-adjusted to be me."

 

Gai grunts at the implied insult but rests his hands comfortably over Kakashi's stomach regardless, fingers tapping thoughtfully and gently on his sides, which reminds Kakashi of the time an enemy had thrown knives simultaneously at both his kidneys. Gai chats as if it's normal.

 

"Maybe she is a mix of us. A devastating combo! Or neither of us, a unique and peerless kind of fighter!"

 

Kakashi makes an embarrassingly high-pitched noise in an attempt at agreeing. His plan to casually drape himself over Gai has backfired horribly. He's in over his head. Gai's voice remains insultingly casual.

 

"I wonder what our children would be like if we had any?"

 

Kakashi makes a sharp movement that causes him to both accidentally kick Gai in the calf and to fall off the couch and onto the floor. He keeps his eyes closed and prays for the standard beige carpeting to eat him when Gai's head leans over the edge of the couch.

 

"Rival! Are you alright?"

 

"Yes. No. Leg spasms. I was falling asleep."

 

Gai's head disappears as he returns to lying back on the couch, "Always so dramatic."

 

Kakashi wonders if he only imagined Gai talking about having children together. Knowing him, it was meant completely innocent. A challenge in DNA, Rival! Who will the baby resemble more? Kakashi's never mentioned pregnancy, but figures Gai knows him well enough to guess it scares the hell out of him. He's sure now, after already making a fool of himself, that Gai didn't mean anything serious by it. A conversational remark. He takes a deep breath and wills his body to relax again.

 

"I can't imagine having a kid."

 

Gai hums on the couch, and shifts on it judging by the way it creaks, "Hm? Oh, of course! I only meant hypothetically. And the students are a full-time job... not that I'm complaining!"

 

It's easier to think now that he's not using Gai's body as a mattress, "Jeez, you already sound like an old man."

 

Gai rolls off the couch and on top of him, demanding he take it back. Kakashi wants to laugh, feeling giddy, even as he rolls out of his grip and escapes under the coffee table. He dashes to the front window and wrenches it open, but perches on the sill to look back at Gai, who is standing with his arms crossed and trying to stop a grin from ruining his disapproving glare.

 

Kakashi does a two-fingered salute, says, "You'll have to catch me first," before leaping to the neighboring roof.

 

-

 

Two days later, the Hokage tells Kakashi that he's free from ANBU.

 

-

-

-

 

Years later, after the war, they're walking through the park, pink blossoms on the ground and occasionally carried by the wind. The weather is nice- the recent rain had made Gai's leg sore, but it's left behind a vibrant green to everything growing. Nobody's around; it's the middle of the day and most people are behind the counter at work. Kakashi walks by Gai's side, hands in his pockets, as the latter wheels across the path and openly admires the birds and flowers.

 

"Your students think I'm a bad influence on you."

 

Gai chuckles, "Still?"

 

Kakashi speeds up slightly in order to amble in front of him, causing Gai's hands to still the wheels of his chair, "Yeah, well... it got me thinking."

 

With a half-second of hesitation, he kneels. He'd been waiting for the seasonal flowering and assured sunshine from weather reports, and had checked times when the park was least crowded. Still, he feels nervous as he settles on one knee. Something about it doesn't quite feel right, until he settles on both knees. This is about more than one question; it's a moment that he wants to sum up a lifetime of respect and deference that he rarely admits. He bows his head.

 

"Maybe the kids are right. I should make an honest man out of you. If you'd have me."

 

There's no reply, and he looks up from the ground to see Gai with tears streaming down his face. Typical.

 

"Uh. Gai?"

 

"Of course! Of course, Dear, come here-"

 

Kakashi leans forward to rest his hands over Gai's on the wheelchair's armrests, and to lift his head up as Gai leans down to kiss him. It's chaste, and the mask stays up, but Kakashi feels a little thrill up his spine regardless. It's their first kiss being engaged. The truth is, he's sentimental.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hospital stuff. haven't written from gai's view yet.

Gai doesn't see Kakashi the day after they kiss in the hospital room. He doesn't worry. He's waited and trusted his Rival for years, and he won't accept doubt into his heart after a day of absence. If he gave up whenever Kakashi fluttered off nervously every time someone got close, they'd never have gotten this far. So for love, Gai lies in bed and doesn't think twice. He'll be back, once he calms down.

 

The nurses are kind, and less busy than they were months ago. The physical pain is gone when he touches things now; he can hold a cup of tea and feel the heat of it without it stinging. There is an anxiety that weighs him down, the weeks of sleeping when he should have been training; the funerals he missed. Neji, and Lee and Tenten without him to guide them through that kind of agonizing grief, as was his responsibility. Yet even as he holds his tea and stares out the window, at the sunshine and village blossoming outside, he cannot think of what to say to them. He tells himself it will be easier now that he's recovered. Whatever mess he might make of it, it would be disgraceful not to try, to let awkward fears make him a coward when effort counts most.

 

He's distracted from the window by the door opening on the other side of the room; he lets himself brighten at the idea Kakashi might already be ready to accept affection, but it's Naruto and Sakura instead. He calms, visibly he knows, but the smile remains. They are wonderful. He could never love any students more than his own (and again, the sting of remembering that there are two where there were three), but Kakashi's students come close. He regrets that Sasuke is only a shadow in his heart; hardly there, hardly known to him.

 

Sakura waves brightly, while Naruto rubs his neck bashfully. Gai grins wider.

 

"What brings you both here today? It's a perfect afternoon, you should be outside!"

 

Sakura sits at his bedside and sighs companionably as he sets his tea down on the bed tray; she's visited him several times, at first with a kind of guilty obligation but unease that he doesn't fault her for. They soon found similar interests to discuss; flowers, harmless gossip, taijustu techniques. She tells him how everyone is doing; he's been visited by most of the town at least once, but she's the most honest by far. Sometimes she shrugs, lacking the self-conscious and forced delicacy he remembers when she was a child, and it reminds him of Kakashi. She relaxes in his company now and it's infinitely touching.

 

Naruto has, inversely, gotten shyer around him since he was child. Gai remembers the loud and brash twelve year old that Kakashi often had to stay near in case he needed to be held back or quieted; in one of his Rival's less graceful moments, Kakashi had told him that Naruto reminded him of Gai when they were children.

 

Now, the young man lets Sakura take the lead as he follows behind her into the room. He visits less, usually with someone else. Gai doesn't suspect it's from unkindness, but from too much feeling. As a child it was easy to express everything at once, without thinking. Now it's clear in the way Naruto holds his tongue sometimes and concentrates before speaking that there is just as much eager and sincere emotion as before, but there's the looming need to act mature. There is a softer reasoning that Gai senses underneath, a desire to be gentle and cautious so as not to speak unkindly. It's a lovely consideration that tempers his passion when it can, although he's still prone to outbursts. Gai respects those too. His attention returns to Sakura once she speaks.

 

"Kakashi-sensei is being so weird. Did he visit you yesterday?"

 

Gai considers lying in an effort to keep his Rival from getting into trouble, but it's a passing whim, "No. I don't mind. He'll visit when he visits."

 

Naruto crosses his arms, "Yeah, but he visits you everyday! And when we asked him about it yesterday he got all..."

 

Sakura finishes for him, "All weird!"

 

"Yeah! Totally weird!"

 

Gai gives his best reassuringly loud laugh, "My Rival is just being hip. When I see him again, I'll make sure to scold him for worrying you both."

 

Sakura looks away at the linoleum floor, "Well, it's just... Did something happen between you two?"

 

Gai hums innocently, "No... No, I don't think so. Why?"

 

Sakura narrows her eyes, but it's Naruto who pushes it, "Really? He only started acting weird when we asked him why he wasn't visiting you."

 

Gai opens his mouth and then closes it. He closes his eyes. He'll say something honest.

 

"We professed our love on the battlefield. Two days ago, we shared a kiss. My Rival is likely-"

 

"What!" The kids look both shocked and outraged, and Gai wonders if they're upset that he's dating their teacher. He'd hoped they would give their blessing, but perhaps it will take more time than he thought. He's surprised to find their anger is not at him.

 

"If he kissed you then he should _definitely_ be visiting you-"

 

"You guys are in love? I mean we've kind of wondered about it but-"

 

"He should be here right NOW, Gai-sensei-"

 

"Yeah, what's he even doing? Sakura, we oughta go find him-"

 

"And demand he take some responsibility! Exactly!"

 

Gai raises his hands, palms out to placate, "Please! Please, you know how he is. He'll be back eventually-"

 

Sakura slams a fist into her hand, "But he should be here _now._ You don't just tell someone you love them and then leave because you're scared! Honestly, he's a grown man-"

 

"And you deserve better, Gai-sensei!"

 

He's close to tears of joy. They're both so sweet, so in arms for him. He wonders though, privately amused, if their own frustrations with their teacher aren't influencing such passionate reactions. He shakes his head.

 

"It's his way. Your youthful display of concern for me is heartwarming, but he's shy in these things. I trust him to be true, and to return to me, but at his own pace."

 

Sakura wilts back in the plastic chair, "Gai-sensei, that is so... romantic. But I don't know. If he's ever being too much trouble just let us know and we'll remind him of his age."

 

"Wait, Kakashi-sensei is shy?"

 

Sakura looks at Naruto and then her eyes flash; she turns back to Gai with a sort of wicked delight, "You probably know a lot of gossip about our teacher, don't you?"

 

"Sakura-"

 

Naruto crouches next to her and they both lean close, "Please, Gai-sensei, c'mon, he never tells us anything!"

 

"What was he like as a kid?"

 

"Have you seen under his mask?"

 

There's a voice from the open door, "What's all this about?"

 

The three of them turn to see Kakashi standing in the doorway, an oversized and limp sun hat on his head and a basket full of wildflowers and vegetables hanging over his arm. It's so dissonant with the rest of him that Naruto starts laughing immediately while Sakura just stands up and puts her hands on her hips to hide the fact that they've been caught.

 

"We were talking about how you didn't visit yesterday! Where were you, gardening?"

 

Kakashi looks unphased and just removes the hat, setting it on the hook by the door as casually as if it was his own home. He walks to the bedside table and removes the greying flowers in the vase, and replaces them with the bundle in the basket. They watch expectantly as he crouches down to inspect the glass.

 

"Ah. I really should replace the water too," he turns to Sakura, "Do I have your permission to get a glass of clean water from the bathroom down the hall, or should I chain myself to the bedpost now?"

 

Naruto snorts from the floor where he's still crouched and giggling, but Sakura hits Kakashi in the arm, "Be serious! Gai-sensei is gonna leave you for someone better if you keep acting like a kid."

 

Gai sees Kakashi's eyes widen in surprise, but they relax again quickly as he turns to him, "Oh, is he now?"

 

Gai gives him a chiding but gentle glance before turning back to Sakura and Naruto, "Now that I've got him here, I have to have a long talk with my Rival. I greatly appreciate your visit but-"

 

They're already jogging backwards towards the door.

 

"Of course, Gai-sensei!"

 

"Let him have it, Gai-sensei!" Sakura closes the door behind her.

 

There's a silence as Gai and Kakashi look at the door, and then Kakashi sets the basket on the floor and sits in the vacated bedside chair, his hands on his knees like an old man. They look at each other's small patient smiles.

 

"So. Tell me, Gai, who are you finally leaving me for?"

 

"As if I would give up a challenge after two days!"

 

Kakashi just puts his legs up on the bed and leans back, "So I'm a challenge now."

 

"Your students seem to think so," Gai sends a deliberate glance at Kakashi's feet on the bed, "I'm starting to agree."

 

He removes his legs, and leans forward, his voice quiet as he gets closer, "I guess I'll have to try harder then."

 

It's a longer kiss than the first one, and Gai curses the strange angle between the bed and the chair. Despite it, he's able to raise a hand to Kakashi's cheek; he breaks apart and murmurs a surprised 'ah' at the touch, and Gai removes his hand only for Kakashi to press it back with his own.

 

"Sorry. Just not used to being touched there. It's nice though."

 

Gai nods, but his mouth is dry as he marvels at Kakashi's face in his palm. The sunlight from the window falls on it warmly. There's a tan-line from the mask that arcs over Kakashi's nose, and while it's a hilarious secret on such a legend, it's also charming. It's a gift being offered. Gai doesn't laugh. He traces the border of it with his thumb, and Kakashi's eyes, now both matching and black, flutter. He smiles, small and pleased at the attention, and looks away.

 

"Uh. I got you some food. I figured you were sick of hospital meals," Gai lets his hand fall away as Kakashi leans over to lift the basket up, "Since I missed yesterday. Thought I'd make up for it by getting you something."

 

Gai leans forward and looks into the basket; there are some fruits he hadn't noticed under the vegetables. Paired with the wildflowers, it's obvious that Kakashi got them straight from the fields and orchards. Gai's hand hovers over a persimmon as Kakashi turns to the closed door and shouts.

 

"You hear that, Sakura? Naruto? Now go home!" There's the sound of footsteps running in the hallway, and Kakashi turns back to the basket and mutters, "Can't even run away in silence after being caught eavesdropping. And I'm the immature one."

 

"You paid for these right?"

 

"What? Yes, geez, Gai, of course I paid. I just went straight to the source instead of the market. They're fresher that way," he plucks the persimmon from under Gai's hand and starts peeling it with a knife from his pocket. Pleased, Gai lies back and wiggles his back into his pillow. When Kakashi is finished peeling the persimmon, he hands it to him.

 

-

 

It takes two days before Gai has to acknowledge the furtive glances that Kakashi keeps sending his mattress in the middle of a game of cards. He keeps his eyes on his hand even as he addresses it.

 

"Is there something you wanted to ask me, Dear?"

 

"Do you have any fives?"

 

Gai plucks two fives out of his cards with deft fingers and gives them to Kakashi, "Anything else?"

 

"It's just this chair. It's not very comfortable, especially for an old man like me."

 

"We're both the same age, please hold your tongue."

 

"And it's so cold in this hospital, it's not good for recovery," it's spring. Gai knows that if he were to check the thermostat, it would read room temperature. He's not interested in calling the bluff, but he's also tempted to see how many excuses Kakashi can make.

 

"Hm. Maybe ask the nurses to turn the temperature up. And standing can be quite good for you. Do you have any queens?"

 

Kakashi squirms in his seat, "No. And I suppose, but it's probably a regulation thing. And they wouldn't let me bring my own furniture here."

 

He forgets to ask him if he has any cards, and Gai takes pity on him, "Well, the only other place to sit is the bed, but you probably don't want to-"

 

"Oh, I won't complain. I'm a guest, thank you-" Kakashi toes his shoes off and crawls in, scooting up against Gai and tilting his head in front of his face to look shamelessly at the cards in his hand, "Do you have any threes?"

 

-

 

By the fifth night, Kakashi has fallen asleep against Gai's chest instead of simply leaving before nightfall. His book is splayed out over the bedsheet from where he'd dropped it in the middle of reading. There's a stack of inappropriate literature, dog-eared and lovingly creased and reread copies, grown on Gai's bedside table already. He reaches curiously for the dropped book with his free arm, the other wrapped around Kakashi's back and stroking his shoulder idly.

 

He starts reading the page it was open on, and manages to get through a few lines before blushing and thumbing down the corner to mark it before closing it. He reaches over Kakashi's body and sets it on top of the pile of other books.

 

He mutters to himself, " _Honestly_ ," before turning off the light and falling asleep with his other arm over the small of Kakashi's back.

 

-

 

The sixth night, Kakashi falls asleep again, although this time he at least asks if he can stay. It's not really fair, with his arms wrapped tenderly around Gai's neck as he looks up at him from where he's already lying in the too-small bed. Gai says yes. Kakashi doesn't even say thank you; he just tucks his head under Gai's chin and takes a deep breath.

 

"Dear?"

 

"Hm?" It's just a murmur against his sternum. Kakashi's leg is thrown over Gai's uninjured one.

 

"When I leave the hospital-"

 

"You should move in with me."

 

Gai lifts his head in surprise, "I was going to say that we should consider moving in together but I didn't think-"

 

"Your apartment has all those stairs. So does mine, I guess. We can find somewhere to live together. Maybe a nice little house on the outskirts of town. Not too far, but quiet. A little house with a big garden, for Ningame and the dogs."

 

Gai looks at the puff of white hair illuminated by moonlight on the head resting on his chest, "I don't mean to doubt your intentions, but don't say this unless you mean it. We've only just recently confessed-"

 

Kakashi looks up at him with sharply lucid eyes, "I've been in love with you for years. That's enough waiting for me. I'm willingly sleeping in a hospital right now just to be close to you. I'm serious."

 

Gai thinks of the rare times they fell asleep at each other's apartments as teenagers. Back then they were young enough not to worry about gossip; nobody cared what they did. Nothing happened, except the two of them lying in the living room or a bedroom in the dark until they fell asleep, visions blurred by the shadows of the room. Gai remembers that Kakashi's voice in the dark on those nights was so clear that it felt like it had no source but his own body, like he was hearing it from within a dream. Even if they were just talking about a mission, or a restaurant, or the future. To think that every night could be like that is breathtaking. To think that such a life exists after the Eighth Gate, that it might never have been if he had not survived, is momentarily terrifying.

 

"I've been in love with you for awhile now too."

 

Kakashi's relaxes back against him, "So it's settled."

 

"I think ever since you fought off those bullies insulting my father."

 

He feels Kakashi pause against his chest, "What?"

 

"That was when I fell in love with you. Or when it started at least."

 

There's a breath against his neck that must be a laugh, "Wow. We were like... six years old or something. You really are patient."

 

"Kakashi!"

 

"I'm not mocking you. I feel a little embarrassed though. I don't know when it was for me."

 

"What? But there must have been a moment-"

 

"Yeah. But I don't know. One day I woke up and probably thought about you all day. Probably thought I was sick or something. Maybe-"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you remember when we argued in that cave? On that one mission? We were young then too."

 

"Then?"

 

"Then. That's when it started."

 

Gai thinks it's strange; he can't remember anything particularly romantic about the moment. He remembers being very angry, and very stubborn. Kakashi was the same. The man who used to be that angry stubborn child in the cave continues murmuring against him now. He sounds closer to falling asleep.

 

"Even when we were kids you would give me a headache... But like the kind when you eat too much fruit. You're so sweet, Gai..."

 

And then he fell asleep. Gai found the whole conversation bizarre. He falls asleep too.

 

-

 

By the end of the week, Tsunade flips the light on in the early morning, before the sun's even risen, and stands in the doorway as if she's ten feet tall.

 

"Okay. Time's up."

 

Gai sits up quickly, only a few blurry blinks before he's fully awake, but even then he's confused, "Hokage-sama?"

 

"Gai, the village and myself are forever indebted to the courage and sacrifice you displayed on the field. It was an honor to care for you. However, I know you are not one to stay inside all day by choice, and there is no more reason to keep you cooped up here. We still want to schedule some monthly check-ups, but you're free to go."

 

Kakashi keeps a sleepy hand clinging to the front of Gai's shirt, "Hm? Me too?"

 

"You're a lazy brat who shouldn't even be in here. Now get out of my hospital before I give you a reason to stay in it. You haven't done anything useful for months."

 

Kakashi rubs his head comfortably against Gai's shoulder as if scratching the back of it, "Gai hasn't done anything in the past few months either."

 

"That's because he's been recovering from turning himself into a comet and kicking Uchiha Madara square in the chest. Get out."

 

They leave.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for not writing about wheelchair races in the hallways that they inevitably had but it's beyond words anyways
> 
> wildpig65013 drew some wonderful fanart for this chapter! i highly recommend checking it out  
> http://cpuprayer.tumblr.com/post/149086119468/for-this-awesome-kakagai-fic-gratitudes-a-strange


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i heard it was kakashi/gai week on tumblr... and also that it's gai's birthday... there's some smut at the end which uhhhhhh i don't usually write, happy birthday, gai

Gai's list of what he wanted in a house was longer than Kakashi expected. He supposed their time in the hospital was a sort of honeymoon period, and now it came down to the brass tacks of commitment, and of compromising between two very opposite people. It did not feel much different from their relationship before, except now the grumbling ended half the time with 'Dear' instead of 'Rival' and Kakashi got to tease while keeping a hand shamelessly over Gai's shoulder or chest.

 

The list was essentially:

 

A small house, of course nothing too fancy was needed, but a big kitchen. And a big dining room too, and a big living room, and three guest bedrooms in addition to their own. The bedrooms could be small but obviously enough space in the main one for the bed to have space on either side of it, so neither of them got trapped between the wall and a warm body in the middle of the night. And an office, for the new hokage, and a room facing the east with big windows for stretches at sunrise. A porch would be good. A garden surrounding the whole house, with room for growing fresh vegetables and flowers, but as few weak points as possible. It was a new era of peace, but they were both men of their own time, and would worry about the vantage points of assassins the same way they'd wonder if the house needed a fresh coat of paint, until the day they died.

 

Kakashi looked it over and added to it that half the counters in the kitchen needed to be at level with Gai's wheelchair, the porch would need a ramp obviously, the garden should have some paved paths. Room for Ningame, who continued to grow inconveniently bigger with an old man's apathy, and the dogs, who were the same size but seemed to threaten the arrival of at least one litter of puppies every day. He'd been tempted to ask the realtor to show them the tackiest houses possible, big mansions and shameless imitations of a daimyō's home, just to drive Gai up the wall. It was a nice day though. They'd only gotten out of the hospital three days ago, and it wasn't worth ruining the peace of being outside together. 

 

He still didn't quite understand the need for big rooms. Gai and him had never lived with much space in either of their apartments, even Gai who had liked to throw crowded parties in his cramped living room. Kakashi didn't ask until the patient realtor brought them to a lot with a hallow house in the center of the property, with nothing inside but the promise of a roof and some walls that could be knocked down.

 

The realtor showed them inside, after Kakashi lifted Gai's wheelchair over the porch stairs ("I'm very sorry, a ramp should be easy to add on"), and there wasn't much to see.

 

"It would obviously be a project, but your list is very specific. I thought instead of purchasing a house as is, you might prefer building from scratch."

 

"It would probably be easier," Kakashi touched a wall. It was faded white. The sunlight came through the windows and entered each room easily.

 

Gai was moving around and already inspecting the other empty rooms, and his voice called from the back of the building, "We'd have to knock down this wall, and build two new rooms for guests. The kitchen is smaller than I wanted if we put it next to where the living room should go, but it will do."

 

Kakashi walked into the room that Gai was in, leaving the realtor to politely take notes near the front door as an excuse to give them space. He leaned against the doorframe and looked at Gai, who was looking out the room's window. It faced the east. There was no garden to speak of outside yet, but maybe Gai was already planning that too.

 

"Can I ask something?"

 

Gai's head turned, and his eyes still stayed on the window a second longer before turning to Kakashi, "Hm? Yes, of course."

 

"Why the need for the big rooms? I guessed the guest rooms are for the kids visiting, but they won't take up too much space. It's not like it was ever a problem before."

 

Gai smiled very quietly and turned back to the windows, "For the grandkids of course."

 

"Oh," Kakashi turned to look out the window too. He just saw dirt, and for the first time he realized this was the house that Gai and him would likely spend the rest of their lives in. Anxiety rushed up his throat, and though he knew that it couldn't possibly show, Gai still spoke calmly from beside him.

 

"What are you thinking about? Are you nervous?"

 

A bird landed in the garden, and fluttered a bit, "I'm just thinking about my apartment. I've lived there almost my whole life."

 

"Me too. It would be quite a change."

 

The bird pecked at the ground curiously for a bit, though Kakashi couldn't imagine at what. He crossed his arms. He felt a bit childish.

 

"It's not that I'm worried about moving in with you, it's just that…"

 

"It's a big change."

 

"Yeah."

 

The bird flew away. Moving in wouldn't change his relationship with Gai, but it would change something. It meant becoming the person who lived in this house, who became hokage, who no longer was defined by the traded eye hidden in his skull. It all seemed like it was happening to someone else. The house felt deserted and like a stranger that wanted too much.

 

"Rival…"

 

He turned to look at Gai. He was looking up at him with that knowing smile, a little put-upon and more aware than he usually let on. Kakashi swallowed and didn't say anything.

 

"We don't have to do this. Not right now."

 

It broke his heart, precisely because it was not meant to. Gai was only offering him a way out of his own proposal at the hospital.

 

He looked back out the window. Some more birds had flown down to chatter and hop in the yard. Over the fence of the property he could see the trees of the bordering woods and the buildings in the village. The mountains were in the distance, big and permanent. The same view he'd known all his life, but standing in a different place. He thought about the work it would take to make the garden grow, the planting and the dirt under his nails, the sun on his back, Gai working on planters full of small green leaves poking through good dark soil, Lee no doubt somewhere helping. A tree planted just for Neji. Flowers that Rin would have liked. The sound of the dogs running in the plants, hidden. Maybe the sound of children playing.

 

He turned around and looked at the blank wall behind them. It was only a blank wall. It didn't ask him for anything. All he had to do was choose what to give it. The house could be worked on. His stuff from his old apartment, the little treasures he kept, could be moved into it. He could bring what he loved with him. That had always been true.

 

"Kakashi?"

 

Gai's voice sounded just a little bit worried now. Kakashi turned back to him, and smiled.

 

"Sorry. You're stuck with me. We should tell the realtor we want it today, we're gonna need to start working on it soon if we ever want to move in."

 

Gai burst into happy tears. It wasn't really that big of a change at all.

 

-

 

Lee had been housesitting for Gai's apartment for so long while he was in the hospital that it was basically his, and it felt a little rude to burst in and insist he leave. Gai stayed at Kakashi's.

 

He had gotten up the stairs by walking on his hands, to Kakashi's stress. The man nagged him as he almost dropped his keys at the door, cool demeanor forgotten to remind him that he didn't need to show off and that _honestly,_ Gai, you were just in in the hospital, what if your bones were still sensitive and you broke something, what if-

 

"Dear."

 

Kakashi caught himself in the middle of the sentence, and the door opened, "Sorry. But I'm allowed to be worried for awhile after you put me through that Eight Gates scare."

 

Gai rolled his eyes, and wheeled into the living room after him. His rival had always referred to that technique with a muttering kind of loathing, as if it was a parasite rather than a fighting style. They had gotten into countless arguments over it, and while they all ended with Kakashi relenting that he had no business in what Gai put his body through, there was still a distaste in his voice. Gai remembered being a child and angrily mistaking it as disdain for a technique that Kakashi thought was beneath him; it was only when they were older that Gai recognized it as fear of another grief lying in wait.

 

Gai followed him into the kitchen and reached for Kakashi's hand, massaging the back of his knuckles with his thumb as a simple apology, "What should we do for dinner?"

 

Kakashi continued washing the dishes in the sink one-handed rather than let go of Gai's hand, "Mm. Maybe order in. Naruto was going to come over but I think he got roped into something by Tsunade."

 

"That something wouldn't happen to be some training for hokage that you were also supposed to attend, would it?"

 

"You wound me. I already did all my homework, Naruto is the one who's behind on stuff."

 

"Because of all the diplomatic trips he's been taking."

 

Kakashi set a plate down, "That reminds me. Tsunade talked to you about getting a helper, right? Someone who comes in for an hour or two and helps you with anything you might be adjusting to. They should continue your physical therapy too, although you managed a lot of that in the hospital. And therapy for how you're feeling emotionally too, although I don't know if the same person provides that."

 

It was blunt, which was appreciated, "Yes. She gave me some recommendations."

 

Kakashi smiled, the faintest change in his eyes the only indicator, "I heard you're looking into teaching at the school too. You realize that I'm gonna need you to be my right-hand man when they put me in charge of things, right? Or else the whole village is gonna burn down within a week. Then there's all the work on the house… You're gonna be a busy man, Gai."

 

"It will be fine! You know I'd hate staying inside the house all day anyways. And I have to read a few books for becoming a class instructor anyways, and then you're not even hokage yet. Tsunade's still strong as ever," he huffed a little, "In fact I'll probably be getting sick of being stuck in this apartment all day reading for the next few months."

 

"Sounds nice to me," Kakashi pulled his hand away, but his voice went low as he bent closer, "But you know…"

 

He pulled his mask down and leaned into Gai's space, his fingers pushing aside the hair over Gai's ear as he spoke casually and softly into it, "I could always take a day off, call in sick, tell the therapist to go home for the day… Or maybe you'll nag me too much, and I won't call in and just send a shadow clone over. I'll tell the therapist not to come in at all, and then maybe we could do some stretches of our own. I'll be doing all that responsible hokage crap you love while doing lots of other things you'd like, all at the same time so you can't complain."

 

Gai clenched his teeth for just a second, to avoid giving in, and instead did the honorable thing, "You know that I have to do those stretches every day once I start again, Dear. We can't just send the therapist away."

 

Kakashi sighed, disappointed and overdramatic, practically falling against Gai's shoulder. His mouth ghosted over Gai's cheek. Before Gai could react, he was already back at the sink, washing dishes again. His voice was normal.

 

"We should go over that list tonight and start looking over therapists then. We can begin interviewing people tomorrow," he turned and winked at him, "I know you're gonna find it boring at first, but there's never been a challenge you couldn't beat, right?"

 

Gai blinked, and then smiled, bright and fierce, "You're right!"

 

He watched Kakashi wash the same clean glass over and over again before catching on to something left unsaid.

 

"We could always do some of those stretches you mentioned tonight, however…"

 

Kakashi lept right over him to get to the bedroom first. The clean glass rattled and settled where it was left on the counter.

 

-

 

He made Gai lie down, he closed the blinds, he finally climbed up onto the bed and straddled him. He lowered his mask and bent down close, and Gai was patient when he kissed him. His voice had gotten so quiet, like there was only so much breath he could spare.

 

"You know, I don't usually do this," he said it like a joke. Gai ran two strong hands up and down his sides, and Kakashi rippled under the touch. They hadn't touched like this in the hospital. They hadn't touched like this ever.

 

Gai got a suspiciously bold look on his face that would have worried him no matter what, "You know, I could always-"

 

"Gai," voice still quiet, as he held Gai's face in his hand and stroked a tender thumb under his eye, "if you try to show off right now and this ends with me taking you to the hospital, I'll kill you."

 

-

 

The first time, Kakashi could at least blame it on sensitivity, on impatience, on waiting for years. On a lot of slow kissing turning desperate until Gai pushed him up past his chest, and then it could be blamed on sitting on Gai's face.

 

The second time was a little harder to play off with Gai's fingers in him, and he thought maybe he could make it last a bit longer until Gai murmured, "I love you," with a dreamy expression, and then it was over again. He didn't manage to say it back, only to repeat Gai's name over and over again.

 

The third time he was determined. He was starting to feel a little selfish. He balanced himself over Gai, moving back and forth over him, letting the slick of the first two times ease the way they rubbed against each other, where Kakashi was wet and Gai was still hard. They both finished just like that, without Gai ever being inside him but just grinding more and more desperately against where each other needed it, Kakashi a third time and Gai finally.

 

Kakashi rolled off to the side and collapsed, narrowly missing bumping Gai's leg in the process. In a few minutes he'd feel too aware, thinking of the mess between his legs, of the sheets on his bed, but for now he just felt warm and painless. He felt like he'd never been sore or hurt in his life. It had started raining outside. He felt like he was going to sink into his bed, like he could reach out and pull Gai down with him.

 

A warm strong hand reached to his arm, then down to his hand. Fingers wrapped through his. He turned his head against the pillow, and there was Gai smiling and his chest rising and falling. How wonderful to see him alive and breathing so clearly, he thought. How good that he couldn't be taken away, from all the people who needed him.

 

Gai kissed his knuckles, and Kakashi threw an arm over him and laughed, grateful.

 

-

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't want to talk too much about gai's injuries and recovery process because i didn't feel like i had the experience to write in depth about it, but i didn't want to totally ignore it either. i tried to look up things online, but if you felt like something was off, please let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> please god when will i be free from caring about naruto


End file.
